I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
