even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
