ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
