I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
