I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
