you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you had me at cake vodka
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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