If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
