How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
