so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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