Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
