I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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