You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
