To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
