Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
