Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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