So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
