out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
