this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
