Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My bed smells like the plague
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
