Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
