Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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