RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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