Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
