do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
