apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
