Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
