My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
