how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Randomize