Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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