Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize