Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
