We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize