u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize