I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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