That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
