Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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