I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize