we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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