how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A+ Viking dick
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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