Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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