Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.