i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs