Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
