Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...