Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state

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  (847): Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state http://tfl.nu/3q3r
  Replies (58) Good night (1819) Bad night (484)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm coming over.

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  (281): I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay. (713): I'm coming over. http://tfl.nu/32wi
  Replies (30) Good night (4063) Bad night (1066)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  As in blowjob or cannibalism?

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.

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  (515): John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance. (1-515): As in blowjob or cannibalism? (515): I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal. http://tfl.nu/r3de
  Replies (71) Good night (4095) Bad night (1472)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"

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  (262): i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???" http://tfl.nu/nk2u
  Replies (12) Good night (1058) Bad night (4013)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic

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  (678): part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic http://tfl.nu/3j2g
  Replies (18) Good night (720) Bad night (3154)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.

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  (480): is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state. http://tfl.nu/3rqa
  Replies (53) Good night (6675) Bad night (702)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

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  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (6085) Bad night (954)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.

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  (806): That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car. http://tfl.nu/uk3l
  Replies (8) Good night (1993) Bad night (3199)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.

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  (605): woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fadr
  Replies (7) Good night (3373) Bad night (844)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Her vagina devoured it.

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  (850): What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"? (1-850): Her vagina devoured it. http://tfl.nu/yu5p
  Replies (8) Good night (5096) Bad night (1185)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.

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  (305): If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals. http://tfl.nu/sngt
  Replies (4) Good night (1198) Bad night (674)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend

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  (706): Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend http://tfl.nu/biar
  Replies (5) Good night (1764) Bad night (649)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.

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  (303): The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate. http://tfl.nu/zqvn
  Replies (2) Good night (1780) Bad night (452)
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  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair

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  (+31): Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair http://tfl.nu/outv
  Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (1048)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?

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  (734): The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low? http://tfl.nu/9f5e
  Replies (4) Good night (559) Bad night (247)

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