Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
