it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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