We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
