Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
