Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
