literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
