Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
