i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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