Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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