I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
