i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
