I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You may now shotgun with the bride
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
