I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
