he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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