Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
