Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
