Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
