he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
