I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
