So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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