Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
