He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
