He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
