Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
