What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
