CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
