A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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