He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
