it was like his penis was on wheels.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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