Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
