I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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