She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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