That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
