she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
